


a heavy heart to carry

by akiko



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Chuck being an ass, Gen, M/M, Minor Character Death, Unrequited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-10
Updated: 2014-01-10
Packaged: 2018-01-08 05:41:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1128996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akiko/pseuds/akiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Are you strong enough to stand, protecting both your heart and mine?</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	a heavy heart to carry

**Author's Note:**

  * For [maranhig](https://archiveofourown.org/users/maranhig/gifts).



> In return for all the angst you send my way in the form of deceptively shiny links. *blows kisses*
> 
> P.S. I tried to make Chuck sound as Australian and asshole-y as possible, but I'm not sure I managed. ;o;
> 
> Title and summary from Florence + The Machine's _Heavy In Your Arms._

Chuck is thirteen the first time he sees Raleigh Becket on the news and feels an odd rush of hormones. Mako, as always, damn her, notices.

“I prefer Yancy,” she says, looking over his shoulder to read the article about the Becket brothers’ victory over Yamarashi, her chin warm and solid and familiar on his collarbone.

In retrospect, Chuck felt he should have retorted with a witty remark, because Raleigh was _way_ cooler; all he did at the time, though, was scowl (no, he most certainly _did not_ blush, stop smiling like that, Mako) and keep reading.

 

* * *

 

When Chuck hears about Yancy Becket’s death, he immediately reaches over and grabs Mako’s hand. He feels her fingers squeezing his back, a little too tight for a moment before subsiding. She doesn’t let go, and neither does he.

 

* * *

 

Then they hear that Raleigh Becket quit the Jaeger Program. Chuck is glad Mako wasn’t in the room when he heard the news. She knocks quietly on the door to his barracks later, and he screams at her to _fuck off_ , thrumming with angry energy, huddled in a corner of his room.

He yanks the door open a couple of minutes later, not disappointed upon seeing her standing there expectantly but patiently waiting, and stomps back to his bed, flopping down on top of the sheets. He curls in on himself, arms crossed and scowl in place, the picture of someone who doesn’t want to be comforted.

Mako steps into the room and closes the door behind her, ever so quietly like the ninja he’d always insisted she is, and carefully steps her way through the wreckage to the bed and lies down behind him, resting her chin on his shoulder – their only point of contact.

They don’t speak, but Chuck’s angry thoughts were loud enough in the silence.

 

* * *

 

“He’s weak,” he says, the next day.

“He lost his brother,” Mako defends.

“Doesn’t excuse him.”

She shakes her head, but doesn’t say anything more.

They don’t touch. They don’t make eye contact.

 

* * *

 

“How’s Anchorage?” he asks.

“Cold,” she replies.

They used to video call each other every day since Chuck, and then Mako, entered the Jaeger Academy, until they each graduated, so to speak. And then every day since Chuck went back to Australia to pilot Striker Eureka with his dad.

At some point, they don’t call as often anymore, and three years later, it’s only once every month, their conversations brief and without their usual warmth.

“How is Australia?” she asks.

“Hot,” he replies.

She nods. He doesn’t say anything.

Then, “How come I haven’t heard you in the news yet? Thought you said you were gonna be a Jaeger pilot.”

Mako casts her eyes down, for the briefest of moments, before looking up at him again. “Sensei –” she starts, but he cuts her off.

“You’re always sayin’ that!” he growls, tightening his arms across his chest to stop himself from banging the desktop. “Every bloody time, it’s ‘sensei says this’ and ‘sensei says that.’ When are you gonna prove to him that you’re good enough to be a pilot?”

Mako’s expression hardens. “It’s not about that, Chuck. I’m sure sensei has his reasons –”

“You sure?” he retorts, scowling darkly. “Maybe you’ve lost your touch, _Ma_ ko.”

She stiffens, back straightening ever so slightly.

“What? You fall outta practice? All these years a’ bein’ stuck with fixin' up those jaegers, and you forgot what to do on the mat?”

“I must get going, Mr. Hansen.” _Well,_ he thinks. “Have a good day.”

“Yeah, go on! Go back to your mechanics and shit, maybe brush up your skills while you’re at it – _or not_ , you weak–”

She ends the call before he can finish. He only regrets that she didn’t hear the clever insult on the tip of his tongue.

 

* * *

 

Chuck is 21 the first time he sees Raleigh Becket in the flesh and feels an odd rush of hormones. Mako, as always, damn her, notices. How could she not, when she’s standing right next to his teen idol/crush?

He calls Max back to him, after Mako coos over him. She’s teasing him again – _shut up, Mako._

He rubs Max behind the ears and looks up and – _oh shit_ – meets his eyes. Raleigh Becket is _right there_ , just a few feet away, and ah shit, he feels like he’s thirteen again. He’s hotter from a few feet away than from a picture, in contrast. Damn, he looks good in that sweater, why did he stop crushing on him, again?

An ugly thought runs through his head –

_Weak._

– reminding him just _why_.

The heated look he gives shifts quickly into a heated glare, and Raleigh gazes back, and walks away.

He tries to push down the feeling of regret that he missed his chance at a good first impression.

 

* * *

 

He’s not _stalking_ him or anything, alright, he just...

Yeah, okay, maybe he’s stalking him just a little bit, maybe, whatever.

Not that he’d ever say as much to anyone who asks.

They should mind their own business, anyway.

He suppresses the urge to throw something when he finds out that Mako’s room is right across Raleigh’s.

 

* * *

 

It’s no big deal, he says to himself, as he walks back to his room. It’s not like Mako likes Raleigh _like that_ anyway.

 

* * *

 

Chuck keeps half an eye on her while she oversees the tryouts for Raleigh’s new co-pilot.

He keeps the rest of his attention on Raleigh himself, of course, because _how could he not_.

He doesn’t look like he fell out of practice, Chuck thinks, admiring the way the muscles on his arms worked. And his work on construction _definitely_ didn’t make him any less fit, Chuck thinks, admiring the way the muscles on his – oh, damn those loose pants.

Chuck stiffens, in more ways than one, and he hunches his shoulders _ever so slightly_ , hoping no one would notice.

He doesn’t try to move his eyes away from Raleigh Becket.

 

* * *

 

If he worried about someone finding out he was sporting a boner while watching Raleigh Becket’s co-pilot tryouts, he doesn’t need to anymore.

Chuck’s eyes widen as he stares dumbly at the back of Raleigh’s head. Is he serious?

_This is it,_ he thinks. _This could be Mako's chance._

Pentecost dismisses the idea, and Chuck glares at the Marshall's general area. He and Mako may not be that close any more (he ignores the sudden tightness in his chest at the thought), but her performance (which, admittedly, he'd only been half-paying attention to, because Raleigh Becket was also _right there_ ) was enough to see that she definitely _hadn't_ forgotten what to do on the mat.

The crowd disperses, and Chuck tears his glare away from Marshall before he gets caught. And just in time, as Raleigh moves as the same time and sees him. Chuck smirks at him, points and winks cockily, before striding away.

He wonders for a moment if Raleigh realized he was flirting.

 

* * *

 

Shut up, he’s _not_ stalking Raleigh Becket.

And no, he’s not trying to get a peek of Raleigh Becket changing in his barracks either.

 

* * *

 

He only overhears Raleigh and Mako’s conversation _accidentally_ , alright; he was walking to the mess hall, and just _happened_ to be near the hallway to their barracks. Plus, these hallways are pretty echoey, so you can’t really blame him.

He only stomps to the mess hall afterwards, because... well. Because of something that _isn’t_ the fact that Raleigh Becket and Mako are _Drift compatible_. It’s none of anyone’s business, anyway.

He restrains himself from punching a wall.

 

* * *

 

Maybe mocking him wasn’t the best course of action.

Chuck wonders later if anybody heard his “sudden release of energy” (it’s not a tantrum, alright; he’s not a kid anymore) in his room. Then he decides not to bother about it.

He curls up on the bed on top of the sheets with his arms crossed and his face fixed a scowl.

Mako doesn’t knock on his door.

He’s not sure he entirely wants her to.

His angry thoughts fill up the silence after his wake.

 

* * *

 

Chuck knows that you can’t kill anyone with a look alone. He hopes Herc can at least feel the invisible daggers he sends his way when he’s talking to Raleigh Becket about his (and Mako’s) recent victory over Leatherback and Otachi.

Still, he gives a tiny half-smile and a nod to Raleigh when he catches his gaze.

Screw you, Herc, he can definitely admit he’s grateful to Raleigh. In fact, he’ll thank him in person.

 

* * *

 

Chuck follows Raleigh as he walks after the Marshall, and tries to call his attention. At the back of his head, he thinks this may be the only chance he’ll ever get to be alone with Raleigh Becket, now that he and Mako had their first victory. He shakes the thought off quickly, not wanting to deal with it at the moment.

Raleigh stops and turns, a surprised raise to his eyebrows, but he doesn’t say anything.

Chuck only wants to thank him personally, but Raleigh’s still wearing his Drift suit and damn, he looks _really good_ in that suit and there isn’t any anger thrumming through his system, and it’s awkward as hell, but he manages.

“Just, uh, well. You did good, _Rah_ -leigh.”

Well.

He would’ve left it at that, too, and gone on his merry little sexually frustrated way, but then – _but then_ – Raleigh, damn him, smiles. It’s just a little quirk at the corner of his lips, but it’s there, and Chuck has to blink a couple of times to make sure he isn’t seeing things.

Raleigh says something, and claps him on the shoulder, and this time, Raleigh Becket is touching him without any anger behind the action, and Chuck isn’t sure how to handle that.

So, he does what he can when he’s in these types of situations: he follows his impulse.

_If you ever have a shot, you take it._

He grabs Raleigh by the shoulders and pulls him closer.

His first thought to this is, _His lips are really soft._

Then, _Oh shit._

He pulls away, an embarrassing smacking sound echoing slightly in the corridor from the action, and Raleigh is gaping at him.

God _damn_ it.

He’s pretty sure Raleigh’s straight and god _damn_ it.

He and Mako aren’t friends anymore, but he still likes to think that he’s got some sort of claim over Raleigh.

Who still hasn’t moved.

God damn it.

He ignores the sudden ache in his chest, and blinks. Chuck claps him on the shoulders, startling Raleigh out of his shock.

“Well, go on, then, _Rah_ -leigh, before you lose the Marshall,” he says, with just a hint of tightness in his voice. Raleigh blinks, looking a bit dazed, and says something like, “oh, right,” and a series of cut-off unintelligible sounds come out of his mouth before he shakes himself out of whatever it is and nods.

Chuck lets his hands fall to his sides and watches Raleigh leave.

 

* * *

 

Chuck rounds the corner a few seconds later, and stops short.

Mako is leaning against a wall, quiet like a ninja. She glances over at him, something unreadable in her eyes.

Chuck looks away.

“So,” he says.

She stays silent, and waits.

He scowls and purses his lips. “You heard.” It’s more a statement than a question, but she nods anyway.

He shrugs it off, doesn’t look at her.

She opens her mouth, “Chuck-kun –”

He flinches at the nickname; she closes her mouth.

Finally, he looks at her, once, and shakes his head.

She doesn’t say anything, but her expression softens.

He looks away again.

They both stay silent as he leaves.

 

* * *

 

Chuck is 21 the second time he gets his heart broken by Raleigh Becket and feels a rush of hormones. Mako, as always, damn her, notices.


End file.
